Quoth the Raven

Joke for Today

Story Problem

You are on a horse, galloping at a constant speed. On your right side is asharp drop off, and on your left side is an elephant traveling at the samespeed as you. Directly in front of you is a galloping kangaroo and yourhorse is unable to overtake it. Behind you is a lion running at the samespeed as you and the Kangaroo.

What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?

Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round!

Believe it or not?

CNN just reported that George Bush just took decisive action

against bird flu and ordered the bombing of the Canary Islands.

So you want a pony - who doesn't.

The value of words

Two trucks loaded with thousands of copies of Roget's

Thesaurus collided as they left a New York publishing

house last Thursday, according to the Associated Press.

Witnesses were aghast, amazed, astonished,

astounded, bemused, benumbed, bewildered,

confounded, confused, dazed,

dazzled, disconcerted, disoriented, dumbstruck,

electrified, flabbergasted, horrified, immobilized,

incredulous, nonplussed, overwhelmed, paralyzed, perplexed,

scared, shocked, startled, stunned, stupified, surprised,

taken aback, traumatized, upset. . . .

Cartoon

Watch out for those wandering hands!

Leave your hands on, but take your hats off to Bifsniff.com; the creators of this witty cartoon and many more! Follow the link if you need some laughter in your life?

A little laughter goes a long way...

At times I find that as I wander along the path of life, often viewing what a wonderful job the human race have done, and continue to do, I tend to forget to laugh?

As part of my daily journey I stumbled upon one website, that pointed me to another website and I ended up here, then I ended up here where I found this cartoon. Enjoy!

A little laughter goes a long way

President Bush was visiting a primary school and he sat in one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the President if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy".

So the illustrious leader asked the class for an example of a "tragedy". One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy."

"No", said Bush, "that would be an accident."

A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explained the president. "That's what we would call a great loss."

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searched the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally at the back of the room a small boy raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: "If Air Force One carrying You and Mrs. Bush was struck by a "friendly fire" missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a tragedy."

"Fantastic!" exclaimed Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?"

"Well," says the boy, "It has to be a tragedy, because it certainly wouldn't be a great loss and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."

Funny No.2 (long overdue!)

When I heard this story from a friend I was in tears with laughter. Now all you wonderful folk in the world of blog may not have the same sense of humour as myself, but here goes.........

My friend's husband, John*, decided to venture out to the local Safeway for some desperately needed supplies. My friend, Janet* was in the kitchen when John* arrived home. Well it wasn't until the following morning that John* asked Janet* if she had seen the melon that he had bought from Safeway last night. 'What melon? There was no melon. I don't recall ever seeing a melon. Maybe there was a melon? Is it in the fridge"..........this conversation confirmed, yet again, that Seinfeld - the series, is closer to reality than reality television ever could be! (ok and I must admit that I made up the dialogue).

So the melon is missing! Maybe the melon has been abducted? You can never be too careful nowadays? Maybe the melon ran off to join the circus......'see the incredible melon survive after being shot from a canonball!"

Well Janet* received the phone call at 10.37am. Thank God, the melon has been found. John* had just returned home after running some errands. What does he see as he is driving into his drive-way? Nothing......but he did notice a melon sitting in the neighbors drive-way.

So it was not an abduction after all.....John* went to safeway, came home with the groceries, dropped the melon as he was exiting the car. Though how anyone can drop a full size melon and not notice it, is beyond me?? The melon rolled down the road as John* strolled into the house.

Well the story may not sound so funny to you, but I could not keep a straight face....the melon has since gone on to model stardom. Stay tuned for the pictures from the photo shoot, appropriately titled 'Melon Art'.

* All names have been changed to protect the innocent, and spare embarrasement for those un-named who may come across my web-world.

Funny No.1

You may not think that this short tale was as funny as I did, and still do. But here goes........(oh, mommy dearest, please don't read this entry as you will be thoroughly offended!)

So, my friend's father needed to go into hospital and get some tests done. Oh, I know this isn't funny, but please be patient - I haven't finished the story yet! So he is walking through the ward and out of one of the rooms rolls an elderly lady, who, after hearing this story, may have been entering the early stages of dementia.

So while the dear old lady is being rolled by, she stops. Of course, my friend's dad assumes that the lovely elderly woman has probably stopped to say hello.......wrong! She looks up at dad, ever so sweetly and says " Gee, your one ugly son of a bitch"!