You are not alone.....really!
What is it about suicide that looks so enticing to so many people?? No, please don't get the wrong idea here. I am not trying to get sympathy, or even the record amount of hits on this site, or worse yet, I am not contemplating suicide at this current period in time. Not that I have never contemplated it, or even attempted it. But that was many years ago, and hopefully as the years pass one learns that there are more productive ways to deal with one's problems?
'Death follows me like a shadow' seemed to be my motto. No, I am not into doom and gloom, yes, at one point in my life I did identify with the goth scene and still love the music. But I think my fascination with death began at an early age.
I was just 3 years old when the commotion at the apartment complex began. I still remember that my family and I had just sat down for dinner, then we heard the noise, a kind of thud. We rush out to the balcony, with all the other neighbors from the complex, only to discover that suicide was the only solution for the 17yr old girl who jumped from the 13th floor landing. Unfortunately, no one realised that curiosity had gotten the better of me and I stretched to see over the balcony wall to find out what all the commotion was about.........I can still see the image in my minds eye. Death is not a pretty sight, she landed on a concrete play area, I recall that it took weeks for the stains of blood to finally disappear.
Then there was Peter, a friend of the family. He was actually my sisters friend but had been a friend of the family for a number of years. My parents treated him like a son. I remember that is was a beautiful summers day when I heard the news. My sister and her friends had gone out surfing, Peter obviously knew that he was not coming back. It was a very black day for me - he had been like a brother to me.............suicide solution.
My friend Paul decided to overdose when he was 17 years old. He was a great guy who had really screwed up parents. His parents decided to get a divorce about 3 years prior to his death, neither one of the parents wanted anything to do with him. His mum moved out with her boyfriend and his dad kicked him out of home. He ended up on the street.
My friend Di decided that after dealing with depression for years, suicide was the only solution. My friend Raelene died just 3 years ago. She fell from a cliff. They say that her death was an accident, and maybe it was. But she was another person who lived, and suffered with depression.
Late last year a friend plunged to her death after jumping off a bridge, I imagine she was thinking, enough is enough. She felt the need to deal with her problems the only way she knew how?
My brother also felt the need to attempt suicide, fortunately a greater force intervened and he is alive and well today. Mostly. He spent some time in a psychiatric hospital, and is currently on medication, but he is getting better each day.
Enough said. What is the point to this post I really don't know. But I do know that every day someone decides that suicide is a better alternative to living in this world. That should be something that we are all concerned about. I also know that there are many resources available that can help a person contemplating suicide; the crisis clinic phones are available 24 hrs a day in order to give advice, guidance and referrals. The interent is also a source of information. Or even just talk to someone, family, friends, anyone....
Suicide may certainly be the easiest solution, but it is not easy for those who are left to pick up the pieces. I can say from personal experience, that the victims of suicide; the family, friends, etc, never get over the loss. Every now and then I think, "could I have done something to prevent this?" And it is not the best solution. It is certainly not the only solution!
Life is worth fighting for, but it takes courage. Courage, to not only admit those demons exist, but to also conquer them. And yes, it is sometimes hard, but it is worth it! Your life is worth it! They can be conquered as I have conquered mine, and I am certain that I will have to conquer other issues in the future - but I can do it!
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