I don't know if you have seen the television show 'When animals attack'? Basically, it was a show documenting occasions where animals became the aggressor and attacked humans, rather than the other way round. It was absolutely hilarious, I guess it appealed to my slightly warped sense of humour? And no, I do not advocate hurting your fellow man/woman, but the scenes were quite funny. I have always opposed taking an animal from its natural habitat and trying to turn it into a performer, for monetary gain.
Well, I guess I have gotten slightly off track with my current blog. In making reference to the television series, I am in no way making light of domestic violence, or even trying to justify using violence to deal with a negative situation. Really, I am not trying to say that perpetrators of domestic violence are acting like animals. In most cases, animals would not treat other animals the way that mankind deals with each other. I guess I think more highly of animals in most situations. But getting back to the original blog...
So my first attack happened when I was around 18 yrs old. I started dating a really great guy, and I must add, he is still a great guy! He just didn't know how to deal with certain situations, or I should correct that, he knew how do deal with a situation, but it was in the wrong way. Really, in some ways I should have known better. I had learned a little bit about his family situation, single mother with four boys, the mother had experienced domestic violence first hand from their father. The older brother was currently in a domestic violence situation. They say that domestic violence is a learned behaviour, and the boys had a perfect role model in their father.
Well, it didn't take long for the abuse to begin. Though, long enough for me as a compliant girlfriend, to remain compliant. I was still living at home, but my parents had recently divorced and I was living with my father. I was working in the retail industry, but eventually quit after I started dating this guy. So we were both unemployed for awhile which made things worse, as we spent most of our time together. During this time my appearance changed from someone who took a lot of pride in her appearance to someone who didn't really care. I also decided to dye my hair, natural blonde to jet black, which in itself is not bad. It is only in looking back at old photos, I noticed that my external image began to represent the downward spiral that my life was taking. My boyfriend and I needed to gain employment, eventually we both ended up working at a factory. Where else could you get a job while looking like band members from Motley Crue? In some ways I think this made things worse as we were together most of the time.
I still recall my thoughts during that time. What do I say to co-workers when they ask about my black eye? One night we had an altercation with a knife, I was trying to get it away from him and I ended up getting a nick just under my eye......it was nothing life threatening, but we went to the hospital anyway. But hey, how do I explain a knife wound to the doctor, without implicating my boyfriend. I felt ashamed having to admit to someone all that was going on, so we turned around and went home.
What do you do when you have to stop the car because your boyfriend has lost it, again. Who do you turn to when he has beaten you up, and has now started to strangle you, in the car, on a residential street? How do I tell an ex-boyfriend, who I was still friends with, that he couldn't come into my house as my boyfriend was here? How do you explain that your boyfriend is so jeolous that it would cause an argument, and the consequences are just not worth the friendship. How do you explain to your parents that the dint in the car door was caused by your boyfriend? How do you tell them, that even though you try to look after the car, it was better that your boyfriend smashed the windscreen, rather than me?
The answer is, you don't!
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