Quoth the Raven

How desperate are you?

Or better yet which Desperate are you?

Congratulations! You are Lynette Scavo, the
ex-career woman who traded the boardroom for
boredom, mixed with moments of sheer panic as
the mother of four unmanageable kids.

Yes, I admit a little part of me wanted the results to say I was Gabrielle, Susan, Edie or even Bree, but then again I am really just like Lynette. She is great! She scrubs up well, though most of the time she looks quite frazzled - much like myself. But more important than that she is a brilliant, successful woman who can deal with anything that life throws her way, even managing to cope with 4 unruly children! Whereas, someone like Susan, although absolutely stunning, finds it hard to cope if she breaks a nail? Edie wants nothing more than to have sex with as many men as possible - but you have to admit that she does look picture perfect, Bree - who can say a bad word about Bree? She is absolutely fabulous. Just slightly obsessive complusive, but a pure gem. She is absolutely wicked. I love her. Now we cannot forget to mention Gabrielle. Everyone deep down wants to be Gabrielle. I mean, who wouldn't want to be wealthy and gorgeous? She has everything except a decent husband, and not a whole lot of depth?

Which Desperate Housewife are you?
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Puppy Swallows 13-inch knife

PLANTATION, Fla. — Jane Scarola's veterinarian thought the X-ray was a joke. He's seen strange items get into the stomachs of dogs before, things like kebab skewers and small utensils. But a 13-inch serrated knife that somehow was swallowed by a 6-month-old puppy?

That was a new one.

"I was just flabbergasted," the vet, Jon-Paul Carew of Imperial Point Animal Hospital in Fort Lauderdale, told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel.

Elsie, a Saint Bernard puppy, apparently had the blade between her esophagus and stomach for about four days before it was removed earlier this week in a 2-hour operation.

The puppy has an 8-inch scar, but is fine and back with her family. And the knife is back in Scarola's kitchen, albeit this time wrapped in a towel and placed in a cabinet atop the refrigerator.

"I'm going to frame it and give it to Dr. Carew," Scarola said. "He should hang it. Everybody should know what puppies are capable of putting down their throats."

Scarola used the knife to carve a turkey, and placed the blade on the counter — far from the edge.

She thinks one of her six other dogs — four Saint Bernards, a German shepherd and a Labrador — somehow got the knife, which eventually made its way to Elsie.

"She wants to eat everything and anything," Scarola said.

- Associated Press -

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The dark side of religion

It appears that Scientology is getting a lot more attention lately, maybe not the kind of attention that Ron wanted, but being that Ron was a slightly paranoid individual, maybe he really didn't want any attention. But a person has to work to live, and to make money, in order to surivive this money hungry world. And if you can't make it by working like the rest of us, then you have to do something. I can't think of a better way to make money than starting your own religion.

No, hang on, first you must try your hand at writing. But since old Hubbard didn't make any money from that why not just twist the story plot into a religion? Awesome. Verging on genius - a paranoid genius. I was perusing the Smoking Gun site a month ago and stumbled onto this little nugget of information. An interesting read...if you even care?

Scientology's Nut Job Founder 

Cruise a kook? Check out these gems from L. Ron's FBI file

JUNE 24--As Tom Cruise and his Scientology cohorts show Katie Holmes the religion's ropes, they surely won't be spending any time focusing on L. Ron Hubbard's wonderfully entertaining FBI file. Which, of course, is TSG's job. This Hubbard guy, the bureau documents reveal, was quite a raving lunatic (who could have imagined?). When he wasn't diming out a supposed Nazi, beefing about his wife, or complaining about being harassed by Cuban commies, Hubbard wrote to the FBI about a bizarre home invasion. Hubbard, the guiding light to nitwits like Cruise, John Travolta, Kirstie Alley, and Lisa Marie Presley, told agents in a May 1951 letter about being attacked in his crib. After being knocked out by the intruder(s), the science fiction author claimed, a needle was "thrust into his heart to produce a coronary thrombosis and he was given an electric shock." Little wonder Cruise & Co. are so down on electro convulsive therapy considering what happened to this poor mother Hubbard, who died in 1986 at age 74. Here are some excerpts from L. Ron's FBI file, which we obtained via a Freedom of Information request:

Go here to read the whole article.

Victory for the Horses of America

I received this letter today from Wayne Pacelle; President of The Humane Society of the United States.

Dear Faith,

We did it! The U.S. Senate passed an amendment today by a stunning 68-29 vote that prohibits the use of any federal taxpayer funds to slaughter horses for food exports.

The amendment, introduced by Senators John Ensign (R-NV) and Robert C. Byrd (D-WV), mirrors an amendment that passed the U.S. House of Representatives in June, which was led by Reps. John Sweeney (R-NY), John Spratt (D-SC), Nick Rahall (D-WV), and Ed Whitfield (R-KY). Together, these measures will effectively stop America's horses from being killed in three slaughterhouses in the U.S. that slaughter horses -- two in Texas and one in Illinois. The amendment also stops horses from being shipped to slaughterhouses in Canada or Mexico so that their meat can be exported to foreign countries.

This tremendous victory would not have been possible without your support and action. We received outstanding support for our major lobbying campaign to end horse slaughter and were able to mobilize our grassroots network. Every single Senate office heard from us, and because of your calls and emails they took notice. Click here to find our how your U.S. Senators voted.

"The time has come to put an end to the practice of slaughtering horses in America," said Sen. Ensign. "Horses have an important role in the history of our country, particularly the West, and they deserve our protection. As a senator and a veterinarian I am committed to doing what I can for these magnificent animals. Many of the horses sent to slaughter are perfectly healthy, and turning them over to slaughterhouses is inhumane and unnecessary."

"The market for horsemeat is not an American market," said Sen. Byrd. "Many Americans would be shocked to learn that our animals suffer such a fate, all in order to satisfy the tastes of those living in Europe and Asia."

In another welcome move, the Senate also approved two additional animal welfare amendments introduced by Sen. Daniel Akaka (D-HI). One amendment would ensure that "downed livestock" -- animals too sick or injured to walk -- are not allowed into the human food supply. The second amendment would prohibit tax dollars from being used for research facilities that purchase animals from "Class B dealers" who traffic in family pets for research.

We are so grateful that you stood with us and helped achieve this incredible victory for animals, even as so many of our resources --  and so much of our attention -- has been turned towards helping the animal victims of Hurricane Katrina. Thank you for all you do on behalf of animals.

Sincerely,



Wayne Pacelle
President & CEO
The Humane Society of the United States

Congratulations Moore & Kutcher!

Actors Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher have married, capping their celebrated two-year older-woman, younger-man relationship, two celebrity magazines reported.

Representatives for Kutcher, 27, and Moore, 42, could not be immediately reached for comment, but both US Weekly and People magazine reported on their websites that the couple were married in the Los Angeles area on Saturday.

US Weekly reported that the wedding was attended by about 100 of the couple's friends, including Moore's second husband Bruce Willis. Also at the wedding were actress Lucy Liu and Moore's three daughters from her marriage to Willis.

Moore, who starred in Ghost, G.I. Jane and Striptease, first began dating Kutcher in 2003, just as she was making a highly publicised return to the screen, as a high-kicking villain in Charlie's Angeles: Full Throttle.

Kutcher, whose break came as a star in television's That '70s Show, is co-creator of the MTV reality show Punk'd. His films include Guess Who in 2005 and Dude, Where's My Car? in 2000.

It was the first marriage for Kutcher and third for Moore.

She was married from 1980 to 1984 to rock musician Freddie Moore and from 1987 to 2000 to Willis.

People Magazine said Kutcher and Moore met at a dinner in New York City in 2003. After Kutcher began dating Moore, the magazine said "he quickly carved out a place in the lives of her three daughters by Willis - Rumer, 17, Scout, 14, and Tallulah, 11 - who came to embrace him as a third parent, affectionately calling him MOD, short for 'My Other Dad' ".

The relationship between Moore and Kutcher has been seen by some in Hollywood as evidence of a liberating new trend in which older American women are dating younger men, challenging the traditional convention of May-December romances.

You know what? I actually think that Ashton and Demi just might have what it takes to make this marriage work. Can you believe that they have been together for 2 years? That is a long time by Hollywood standards. I think they have always tried to keep their private lives private, which I am sure has made a difference. I really don't think the age difference will really make a difference here? Ashton seems to have a level of maturity beyond his years...no, don't look at that stupid 70's show to determine his maturity level - he is an actor remember. You also have to admit that Demi just about looks like a 27 yr old. Perfect match! I wish them all the best.

Silent Movie Madness

Roll out the red carpet. Grab your friends, your lovers, or even your countrymen. Quickly, line up for the popcorn and drinks.

It's show time.

It's that time of the year again. The time of the year when the Paramount Theatre, in conjunction with Trader Joe's, plays host to the era of the greats of the silent screen. Now playing is a tribute to Buster Keaton with the Silent Movie Mondays Buster Keaton Festival.

An annual tradition at the historic Paramount Theatre, Silent Movie Mondays celebrates the works of Buster Keaton with ten films during the month of August/September. Each film is accompanied by Dennis James, on the Mighty Wurlitzer Organ. Prior to each film, Dennis provides commentary and factoids about these classic treasures.

On Monday night I viewed my first silent movie, actually two, and I am ever so glad that I did. I must admit that I was initially inclined to see Buster Keaton in action because of my admiration for Edward Gorey; the author/illustrator. Gorey was both a big fan of silent movies, and Buster Keaton. I wanted to know why? And now I do?

One word - refreshing!

The experience was absolutely wonderful. I cannot believe that I enjoyed the evening as much as I did. The audience was made up of quite an interesting mix of people; older folks reminiscing about 'the good ole' days', young alternative people just being different, fans of history, fans of historical organs and the music that they bring. There were also the serious Keaton fans who have not only watched, but dissected every movie the man has starred in. Very interesting, indeed.

The first movie was:

COPS, 1922
Cops, Buster Keaton longingly looks at his girl, Virginia Fox, through what appear to be prison bars; in reality, it's the gate to the mansion where she lives. Fox sends Keaton away to succeed in business. Then through convoluted means, Keaton acquires a horse, a wagon, and a load of stolen furniture which he somehow drives into the middle of a policeman's parade, where an anarchist's bomb falls in his lap. Carelessly, he lights his cigarette with it and throws it away. It explodes in the middle of the parade, and suddenly Keaton is pursued by every cop in the city.

Then we watched the longer movie:

COLLEGE, 1927
College, Here's Buster Keaton as a scholarly young man who doesn't know beans about sports. All the "Big Men on Campus" are jocks, so to impress pretty co-ed, Ann Cornwall, Keaton tries and fails to join all the school teams. Through the kindness of Dean Snitz Edwards, Keaton is placed on the rowing team where he manages to win the big race. This infuriates his rival, Harold Goodwin, who seizes Cornall and runs off with her. In racing to her rescue, Keaton is compelled to repeat all the sports activities at which he'd previously failed - and does so, magnificently.

* This coming Monday September 26 you can see Buster Keaton in Steamboat Bill & One Week. Don't miss out!

Martha Stewart Rocks!

Now that I have your attention I just received this breaking news from the wonderful people at Peta.org

Martha Stewart Renounces Fur, Hosts PETA Video Exposé

“I used to wear real fur,” says Martha Stewart in a video that debuts today on PETA.org, “but, like many others, I had a change of heart when I learned what actually happens to the animals.” Her public turnaround on fur began this spring, when she responded from jail to a letter from PETA explaining that the fur she famously wore the day of her conviction was fake. Martha’s online testimony is designed to be e-mailed to family or friends who may still wear fur, as well as to celebrities, stylists, and fashion editors. “So much violence in the world seems beyond our control,” says Martha, “but this is one cruelty we can stop by being informed consumers.”

Watch the video now.

A pervert in our midst

I don't know about wandering hands but I do recall the saying 'wandering hands do the devils work'? No, wait, that's not right? Isn't the saying 'idle hands do the devils work'? I can never recall quotes properly. Damn memory issues. On Friday I had both idle and wandering hands to deal with?

It was just after 1pm and I was sitting down to a casual lunch before taking Zack to the vet to be cremated, when I noticed a man walking up the street in a most suspicious manner. Yes, I know what you must be thinking? "Can't a person even walk down the street without grabbing my attention?"

Well, this person wouldn't have grabbed my attention if he was walking down the street in a normal fashion, rather than walking this way then changing direction, and walking that way. I looked again because his behaviour seemed quite odd, and that is when I realized that his walking wasn't odd in an off itself, but add to that the fact that he was masturbating while he was walking seemed to explain everything!

He kept wandering up the street so I assumed he was going to walk away and I wouldn't have enough time to call the police to haul him away. But I guess he had a change of heart, as he turned around and stood on the path opposite my house. At first he was staring at the house opposite me but then he turned around and just kept doing the deed and staring at my home. It appeared that he was actually trying to get someones attention. It was obvious that this perverted act would mean more to him if he knew he was freaking someone out. Namely me!

By now I was in action mode and rather than let him see that I was calling the police, I crawled across the floor to reach the phone and I proceeded to call 911. Well, to be quite honest, it probably looked more like me flying across the floor. Yes, I do understand that the visual images that are coming to mind must be causing quite a frenzy of laughter throughout the blog world. I admit it does seem quite comical in some ways, but I certainly wasn't laughing at the time.

I gave the 911 dispatcher the information and she put me through to a patrol car so I could repeat the description of the offender (such an appropriate title, as he sure did offend me). I turned my head for a minute and he must have spotted me on the phone - he was GONE! Not even 10 minutes went by when there was a knock at the door. No, it wasn't the pervert - thank God - but a police officer calling to take my statement. He had already drove around a few blocks to see if he could spot the offender, but he was no where to be found.

Stay turned next Friday and we'll see if there is anymore action coming my way?

Watch out for those wandering hands!

Leave your hands on, but take your hats off to Bifsniff.com; the creators of this witty cartoon and many more! Follow the link if you need some laughter in your life?