You may remember that somewhat tacky horror movie, Christine that hit the cinemas quite a few years ago. You know the one, the red car with the serious window tint that stalks, better yet terrorizes, unsuspecting drivers as they cross the highway late at night (or, maybe that was a different evil car from a different cheesy horror movie?) Surprise, surprise, but doesn't everything always happen late at night in these cheesy horror movies. Well, I have to say that Christine - the car - must have believed in reincarnation, because she is back, and back with a vengeance and has taken the form of a black Volvo station wagon.
I know what you are thinking, 'this is my usual pet peeve and I am going to rant about Volvo drivers', and yes, you may be right about the rant and also about the topic being Volvo drivers, but after you read this post you will see that this rant is absolutely warranted.
I woke up at my usual time of 6am just like every other day and followed the usual routine, only this time I left for work earlier than usual and had plenty of time to cruise along merrily. The ride was going along in this manner until I found myself on the University Bridge. There wasn't a lot of traffic on the road so I knew I would get to work extra early, until I looked ahead and was confronted by the eery sight of the Black Volvo in front of me. Yes, alarm bells did go, off followed by a little anxiety, then followed by dread as I knew that this morning drive would be anything but usual. I had to take a minute to compose myself and speak calming words to the effect that 'not all Volvo drivers are bad, and that this one could be the one that makes all the difference to the bias I hold towards them'. Well, I was wrong or was I right? I was wrong in thinking that this Volvo driver was any different than the rest, and I was right in thinking that this Volvo driver was not only like all the others I have encountered - but that this one was by far worse.
I was in no real hurry to get to work (for a change) and I really didn't want to sit to close to the dreaded Volvo driver due to the erratic nature of their driving based on my past experiences, so I was considerate and left 2-3 car spaces between us. I finally told myself I was acting like a post traumatized Vietnam vet after returning from the war, so I told myself I am overreacting and should just chill out. As I was speaking to myself, I noticed that the Volvo driver (let's call her VD so I don't have to keep writing the words Volvo Driver) was acting strangely up ahead. She was waving her hands around and looking in the rear vision mirror, yes, I thought this was strange behavior, but anything is possible as we ARE referring to a VD. I noticed that there 
was a yellow lab hanging over the woman and trying to move from the back seat into the drivers seat (really, the dog could have done a better job at driving the car), so I assumed she was trying to get the dog to back off. Well, the dog was eventually sitting down in the back seat, but the stupid woman was still making hand signals!! No way! Then I figured she was probably deaf and using American Sign Language as she was humming a tune from the radio? No, that doesn't make sense and when I noticed her face in the rear vision mirror, again, I realized she was giving ME hand signals. WTF!! Even now I could give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she had just been hired as a traffic cop and was practicing the stop signal, but hey, who is the stupid one here. In the end it must have been me as it appears that she was signaling me to STOP as I was obviously too close with my 2 car space difference between us, for her liking! 2 CAR SPACES - can you believe this? But it doesn't stop there. No, as we were approaching the traffic lights, I noticed that she was still giving me hand signals and NOW she was shaking her head while giving me a frenzied look. You know the one that victims in cheesy horror movies usually imitate just before they are butchered. Well, by this time I just figured I would get past her and I didn't want to antagonize her in any way, as I thought she was a crazy person, and probably capable of pure evil. I decided to indicate and get ready to turn left, but not without VD turning in the same direction, and now I know there is no way in hell that I am getting to work early at this rate. VD finally made the turn, and continued to give me head shakes and hand signals while doing so. I was ready to get out and yell at her by now for being such a freak, instead her own paranoia caused her to pull over and let me and the other six cars pass her so we could all drive to work in peace.
Good riddance VD. For my own sanity and the other normal drivers hitting the highways and byways, I hope I never encounter you on the roads around Seattle again!
* By the way, the picture shown here is not the actual photo of the crazy Volvo that I encountered, but happens to be another freaky Volvo driver who has no idea how to properly park a car AND does not have that prized little blue tag that gives them the right to park in this particular space. Again, surprise, surprise.
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